How to keep going

Some people were talking about breaking in, following the dream, and the hardships that come with that.  Jerks, closed doors, abusive people, your art being taken for granted, hated, mocked, etc. Yeah, the life of an artist is not always a fun one. For me this is a bit of a roller-coaster ride.

When I was first starting out, my dream was to be in comics, mainly Marvel. After a lot of convincing from friends and my guidance counselor; who was nice enough to actually write Marvel and ask for any advice she could give me to help me out, and Marvel sent a wonderful packet to help me see what I needed to study; I finally worked up the courage to submit. And I received a 2-page rejection letter.

At first I was destroyed. I was turned down for my dream. But, instead of accepting it, I took those 2-sheets with me, everywhere. I studied and studied, and when i felt I had gotten through my mistakes I would check it off. After a couple of months, I tried again. I got a one page rejection, telling me what I was doing wrong, but worse, there was a comment at the end, “Please do not resubmit until you have addressed these issues.”

I was crushed. But, I kept trying. For a while. But over the course of the years that followed I got a ‘day job’ where I was treated awfully, and I fell into a deep depression, and my dormant Borderline (a condition that makes dealing with emotions very hard) came back. I was in a bad place and pretty much stopped drawing. I would still doodle and sometimes do a full drawing, but I was not learning, I was not pushing myself, it had became a hobby again, if that.

But after some time, I was fired from the job because I had missed a lot of days. And now I had nothing. No job, no art, no point.

So I decided to jump back into art. After a long time of getting the rust off my skill I took a run again at Marvel, and was rejected. But I stayed at it. I was also dealing with a bleak depression. I was in a very bad place. After some low points I was even suicidal. But I stayed in my art. Got some small jobs here and there, did my own comics, got work with a publisher, and best of all I found the girl of my dreams who has helped me through the dark times and I am in a better place. I still have my bouts of depression but with her here it is not as bad.

But then the down-turn came back. My job is sucking and I want out. And I really came to understand that my heart and passion was not really in comics. I found I loved to create, to do illustrations, to form my own images. So I began looking into that. And a friend told me to sign up for Chris Oatley’s Magic Box class. And in time, I did. I knew I needed to learn to paint if I was going to have a chance for this. Comic book art was only really valued in comics. So I dove in.

Now I feel more comfortable as an artist in terms of where I am headed. But now I have to deal with the not knowing. I am not sure how you break in, sure, there is the common things, do great work, have a great portfolio, show your work to an art director, but I am having a hard time finding art directors. I am working on new stuff for my portfolio, I am doing all I can to network on all social media with people doing what I want to do, and who hire for what I want to do, but it is still hard.

But that said, I stay at it. Through the ups and downs, the good and the bad. Because at the end of the day, I am not someone who does art, I am an artist. I cannot separate that from who I am as a person. So I go on. For myself, for Audra, my love, so I can try to make a better life for us.

So to anyone who stayed long enough to read down to here, I want to part by saying this, stay at it. There will be up and downs. People will hurt you, mess with you, use you, your art will be rejected, mocked, put down, and you will hurt. But, there is always tomorrow. And you do not know what that will bring. So dust yourself off, look at those you love, look at your art, work, study, grow, and keep trying. Better is a life that was lived in the pursuit of a dream than a life lived in the regret of reality.

Dwayne

Day labor professional

Just got Seth Godin’s audio book Linchpin.

Wow, I am just starting it and already it is profound.

There is a part that compares your skill to day laborers. All an employer wants is a basically skilled cheap labor to pay the cheapest point just to get work done. True that sucks, but why does it happen?

Because the work force is all the same. Imagine the day laborers standing there on the sidewalk. No one stands out much more than others, no one sells their indispensable skill, make no attempt to really be the one that demands attention. So now when the employer looks at the options, the choice means nothing to them. One is the same as the other. So they just randomly pick. You get passed over, even if you are better. How can the employer see value when you look like one of a dozen? A hundred? A thousand? And seeing all these talents standing there doing nothing to show they matter, the employer comes to believe the skill is of low worth because that is how they showcase themselves.

So if you want to be hired, stand out to the point no one cannot take notice. If you want to be paid respectably, provide such good services that the employer needs you to be there. Show you and your skill has value. You cannot allow yourself to be seen as interchangeable. Because if you are, when a cheaper version comes along, you are replaced.

Wow… never thought of it like that. I need to find out what makes ME matter and se that as much as my ability.

When things get hard

As of late it has been hard to be an artist. Jobs have been far and few between. I have been applying for more work but nothing has come back and that causes havoc with my borderline.

But…

Here is a simple fact. That’s life. It’s not always good, in fact it is rarely good, most you usually get it constant. All of us at some point are going to suffer this. You feel down on your skills or abilities and wonder if you should fold. I have been there for the past couple of days.

But I realized something, in life, when things get hard all you have is two options. Fold, give it up. Or just put your head down and just keep hammering at it.

Folding is easy, in the short run. Some of the stress is gone, but whole new issues open up. You still have to start from nothing if you go to another job. Then you deal with the problem of quitting, wondering what may have been. You look back in your life and wonder if you had stayed at it, what could you have done? You forever have that hollow feeling.

Staying at is is hard in the short term. Money gets tight, you spend far too much time wondering and worrying. But you keep moving forward. You do not give up and do not compromise. You suffer for a while. But if you stay at it, some point, things get good. Maybe not always good, but good things come. If you make the most of it, more good things come. Then when you look back on your life you know it was hard and there was a lot of struggle, but it was life on your terms and you lived the dream. You saw it through. That is far more than most will ever be able to say.

So you just deal with the depression, the fear, the worry, and the panic and you get up the next morning and you work your ass off to get the good to come your way. And you do that again and again until it just comes to you. Surround yourself with people who support you and understand where you are coming from. (Something I am still working on, trying to form deep friendships with other artists.) and you network as much as you can with people who are doing what you want to do and who can get you there. You do your best work and you never quit.

The dream is out there, not really for the best ones, but for the ones who refuse to stop until they have it. Now excuse me as I dive for the brass ring one more time. Then do it again.