How to keep going

Some people were talking about breaking in, following the dream, and the hardships that come with that.  Jerks, closed doors, abusive people, your art being taken for granted, hated, mocked, etc. Yeah, the life of an artist is not always a fun one. For me this is a bit of a roller-coaster ride.

When I was first starting out, my dream was to be in comics, mainly Marvel. After a lot of convincing from friends and my guidance counselor; who was nice enough to actually write Marvel and ask for any advice she could give me to help me out, and Marvel sent a wonderful packet to help me see what I needed to study; I finally worked up the courage to submit. And I received a 2-page rejection letter.

At first I was destroyed. I was turned down for my dream. But, instead of accepting it, I took those 2-sheets with me, everywhere. I studied and studied, and when i felt I had gotten through my mistakes I would check it off. After a couple of months, I tried again. I got a one page rejection, telling me what I was doing wrong, but worse, there was a comment at the end, “Please do not resubmit until you have addressed these issues.”

I was crushed. But, I kept trying. For a while. But over the course of the years that followed I got a ‘day job’ where I was treated awfully, and I fell into a deep depression, and my dormant Borderline (a condition that makes dealing with emotions very hard) came back. I was in a bad place and pretty much stopped drawing. I would still doodle and sometimes do a full drawing, but I was not learning, I was not pushing myself, it had became a hobby again, if that.

But after some time, I was fired from the job because I had missed a lot of days. And now I had nothing. No job, no art, no point.

So I decided to jump back into art. After a long time of getting the rust off my skill I took a run again at Marvel, and was rejected. But I stayed at it. I was also dealing with a bleak depression. I was in a very bad place. After some low points I was even suicidal. But I stayed in my art. Got some small jobs here and there, did my own comics, got work with a publisher, and best of all I found the girl of my dreams who has helped me through the dark times and I am in a better place. I still have my bouts of depression but with her here it is not as bad.

But then the down-turn came back. My job is sucking and I want out. And I really came to understand that my heart and passion was not really in comics. I found I loved to create, to do illustrations, to form my own images. So I began looking into that. And a friend told me to sign up for Chris Oatley’s Magic Box class. And in time, I did. I knew I needed to learn to paint if I was going to have a chance for this. Comic book art was only really valued in comics. So I dove in.

Now I feel more comfortable as an artist in terms of where I am headed. But now I have to deal with the not knowing. I am not sure how you break in, sure, there is the common things, do great work, have a great portfolio, show your work to an art director, but I am having a hard time finding art directors. I am working on new stuff for my portfolio, I am doing all I can to network on all social media with people doing what I want to do, and who hire for what I want to do, but it is still hard.

But that said, I stay at it. Through the ups and downs, the good and the bad. Because at the end of the day, I am not someone who does art, I am an artist. I cannot separate that from who I am as a person. So I go on. For myself, for Audra, my love, so I can try to make a better life for us.

So to anyone who stayed long enough to read down to here, I want to part by saying this, stay at it. There will be up and downs. People will hurt you, mess with you, use you, your art will be rejected, mocked, put down, and you will hurt. But, there is always tomorrow. And you do not know what that will bring. So dust yourself off, look at those you love, look at your art, work, study, grow, and keep trying. Better is a life that was lived in the pursuit of a dream than a life lived in the regret of reality.

Dwayne